Routine Habits

Rant on the News Coverage of Canadian Politics

2011-05-01T23:34:00.000-06:00

Honestly, I think other than reporting on current polls and the bare facts of political candidates platforms and actions, the news should just shut the hell up about politics. You can't simply quote parts of a politician's speech at his/her own rally and call it a day. That just comes off as an article in favour of that politician. I don't care if it's Harper, Layton, Ignatieff, or whoever; biased reporting is biased reporting. And sure, of course I enjoy reading editorials and opinions, especially when they endorse my own views, everyone does, but I do not want to see editorials nor these pseudo-reports on political rallies in my google news feed, I have that there to learn what is going on in my country, not why one politician thinks he is better than everyone. And for fuck's sake Calgary Sun, (and I like to think I'd say this even if it was a candidate I liked) an editorial is never front page headline news.

Update

2011-02-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in quite some time, been busy I suppose. I'm finally working now, in the kitchen of a retirement home; washing dishes, delivering food, mopping floors. It is a very nice place with many friendly people. Life has been pretty good, I watch a lot of Stargate, finished SG1 and almost finished Atlantis. I guess I haven't gotten up to a whole lot of productive things these days, still haven't worked on my blog layout nor my website layout, I'm not as involved in politics as much lately either. I have come to the conclusion that as of yet there does not exist a political system that truly works and I try not to label myself as a part of any political ideology because of that. I have also somewhat given up on democracy as it has become apparent to me that it is nothing more than the idea of giving a group of highly opinionated and mostly uninformed individuals the ability to choose who runs the country based upon party names and who can afford to run more attack ads. Of course, I won't pretend to know a viable alternative.
I have grown fascinated by biology and physics, and science in general really. I suppose the fascination has always been there but only recently have I delved so deeply into it. Often as I watch Stargate I enjoy pointing out physical impossibilities and speculating on how other systems and theories could possibly work. Though of course I'm not all that smart, and I don't really know what I am talking about all the time, but I enjoy speculation and theories. Perhaps I just dream too much.

Ravings of an Insane Leftist

2010-12-07T16:43:00.000-07:00

Introduction

The following are excerpts from my now defunct blog 'Ravings of an Insane Leftist.' My opinions on the society of our planet often varies quite frequently, and sometimes while writing for the blog I would even force myself to take a position I really knew nothing about in an attempt to simply have something posted. Because of these two factors I have decided to take my favourite posts from the blog and delete the rest, as I no longer agreed with much of what I had been saying, at least not in full. While these may be a selection of my favourite posts I still may not agree completely with them any more, and in the future I may have a very different opinion all together, which was the general idea of this blog, which has documented me change many times in many ways. I just feel it is important to point out that much of what is written I may have written differently, or not at all, today.

The following posts are in reverse chronological order.

A Little Bit of What I Think

Originally Posted 10/21/10 on Ravings of an Insane Leftist

I thought I would do a quick run through of some of the things that I personally believe in, politics-wise. I know, I am just as excited as you are! Some of what I have to say might actually surprise you, perhaps not. These are just some things on the tip of my tongue that I never really get the chance to talk about.

Marriage

Marriage should be nothing more than a contract between two or more people who have the ability to consent to said contract. Frankly I don't feel the government should have any part in dealing with who can enter into such a contract, other then the obvious, such as someone who is not old enough to consent. That contract can involve and be called whatever you like for all I care.

Regulation

When it comes to certain businesses, I think regulation is absolutely a necessity. When a mine which had 840 safety violation citations and had been ordered to be closed 11 times collapsed and killed two men, Rand Paul simply stated that accidents happen. Bullshit statement of the year, those two men could have lived had the mine been properly regulated and shut down. Perhaps, but I'm no expert, if the mine was regulated properly throughout the entire operation it wouldn't have all the safety issues and would still be up and running safely.
But, there are certain businesses that do not require certain regulations. First, let's say I were to open a daycare, damn straight I should have a business licence. Some libertarians may argue that parents wouldn't leave their kids with someone who isn't qualified, but, much like other parts of the free-market system, certain ghost-rules exist, such as people checking to make sure someone is qualified, and they are not always followed. But back to my main point, if I wanted to sell DVDs out of my garage, then fuck your business license. My DVDs, my garage. What possible reason could there be to regulate that? (Other then perhaps making sure the DVDs are not stolen goods.) If I were to hire someone to help me, then only one regulation should be placed upon my DVD business, and that is making sure my employee is paid at least minimum wage. Obviously there is the GST situation, something I have literally put no thought into at this point. I will do my homework and come back to it later on.

Drugs

This is a bit of a tough one for me. Certain drugs are obvious; marijuana should be legalized and regulated. But then there are drugs like crystal meth. I like the argument that drugs will be used regardless of whether or not they are legal, because it is true. But legalizing something like meth does not sit right with me at all. Though I believe that education is a lot more powerful than regulation.*

Free-Speech vs. Hate-Speech

Again there is the obvious; assault, intimidation, defamation, vandalism. All of those are illegal regardless of whether or not they are hate motivated, but I do believe that if they are hate motivated then the punishment should be more harsh, as it is now. But if someone wants to call themselves a Nazi and march downtown, as long as they are not assaulting or intimidating anyone, defaming a person, race, or culture, or causing vandalism, then they should go right ahead and do that. The only problem I have with that is the recruitment process, such as brainwashing their kids, and other people's kids and teens. And again, education comes in handy for this sort of thing.

Well I hope you enjoyed that little ingress into my mind, I do enjoy hearing myself talk, so to speak.

*Regulation as in legal or not, not as in making sure that the drug is safe for use, as all education could do in that situation would be to prevent people from using the drugs, to inform them that the drugs are dangerous. While this is a good thing with a drug like crystal meth, actual regulations to make marijuana safer to use (prevent lacing with harmful drugs, etc.) make more sense then simply educating that marijuana can be dangerous. Crystal meth cannot be effectively regulated to make its usage safe, to my knowledge.

Obama is a Socialist

Originally Posted 8/8/10 on Ravings of an Insane Leftist

Which makes you a fascist. I have seen a lot of this American Republican party propaganda around--usually via their children, but I will get to that in a later post--calling Obama a socialist. If Obama was a socialist that would make Canada about par with the USSR, oh, and it would make you a fascist. In this imaginary world where centre-left is socialism, naturally centre-right is fascism, so by forcing an "Obama is a Socialist" propaganda T-shirt on your child or posting an image of such on your blog you are, more or less, advertising yourself as a Nazi.

Swastika too cliché for you? Try this on!

Whoever came up with such a clever piece of propaganda clearly didn't think that one through. I wouldn't be surprised if a person said it simply as a joke and it was jumped on with thoughts such as, "What worse insult could there be than to call a politician a socialist?" Well, there is one that I know of; calling a politician a Nazi--and those Obama-hating, (most-likely) bible-thumping rightists inadvertently did that to every single right-wing politician in America. It is sad how afraid many Americans are of communists; Cold War propaganda has really made a lasting impression. I really don't think many people actually know what a socialist is, nor do they want to, they are happy believing that it's an insult you would call a politician ~~who doesn't cheat his way into office and invade your privacy under the pretext of patriotism~~ who is left-wing.

Earlier I was tempted to state that Canada is so far left that our right-wing is further left than the American left-wing, but in reality, it is the exact opposite. Think about it: Popular American right-wing political topics include building the Great Wall of Anti-Mexico; kicking out people that have more right to be their then they do (as it is thought that about 80-90% of Mexicans have Native American ancestors); homosexuality is unethical; peace can only be achieved through war*. They call this centre-right? Any further right and you'd develop a strange urge to kill your Jewish neighbour.

How ironic is it that rightists claim to want as much freedom as possible, yet they fight so hard for the freedom of others to be taken away? A good way to generalize the political spectrum is to say the left wants what is best for everyone and the right wants what is best for themselves.

How anyone can think that the world is not rapidly advancing to become more and more liberal is beyond me. How can anyone possibly believe the backwards shit (or if you rather; the preaching of old-fashioned forms of society that are at times reminiscent of a monarchy) that comes out of rightists' mouths is the way of the future? Every progressive thing that has happened in America has happened because the rightists didn't get their way; namely every goddamn thing that deals with equality**. There is always some group of people that rightists hate, it used to be women and blacks, now it's gays and Mexicans--to my children's generation it will be robots and martians. Face it, there is no room in the modern world for these horribly outdated and bigoted politics. Serious reform is needed, and you better believe it won't have shit to do with right-wing political ideology.

*Paraphrased from an online Republican clothing store that sold children's shirts with the phrase on them.
**Citation Needed.

Summary of Leviticus:

Originally Posted 5/2/10 on Ravings of an Insane Leftist

It really doesn't matter what you're doing, it is a sin and you must be killed because of it.

Why is it that Christians can pick and choose and alter parts of the bible into a way that best suits them and use those corrupted quotes to influence politics?

Recently a new sex ed curriculum that involved talk on homosexuality was removed before it was even implemented. The apparent reason was complaints issued against it by a Christian group led by one Charles McVety. The group threatened to remove their children from school if the curriculum was not abandoned.

These parents fail to realize that this education does have a purpose other than to teach their children the satanic ritual of sodomy. It is doubtful a pervert would have a hard time convincing a child that one of these parents shielded so well from the real world that what the pervert was doing to the child was nothing more than a game, whereas a child with the proper education would be much more likely to realize this person is, in fact, a pervert. Not that these people would have to worry about perverts, God will protect their children, I mean it worked for the Catholics. Didn't it?

Back to the pick and choose concept of modern Christianity; McGuinty was so easily pushed into changing this new sex ed curriculum it makes me wonder, if evangelist Charles McVety and his posse chose Leviticus 20:10 over 20:13 would McGuinty replace talk on homosexuality with ways to kill a cheating spouse?

Let's face the facts here:
The bible is a document of rules written by an ancient people based upon their ancient morals and customs. I believe people are free to be a part of whatever religion they wish, just keep it the fuck out of politics.

Honestly, why is homosexuality still an issue in North America? Why does religion still play a part in politics? How have we not come past this point in society? We may have made huge strides in the past hundred years technology wise, but society has barely budged forward at all.* It is pathetic.

To summarize how I feel on involving extremely outdated religious ideals in politics:

*Note: I mean this as a whole of the planet and regarding specifically, but not limited to, the religious influence on politics that cover many other cultures and religions. Generally in North America, equality between races, cultures, genders, and sexualities is accepted, which has been a great stride forward.

Pet Peeves - Raising Children

2010-12-07T16:20:00.001-07:00

Introduction

The following is a post taken from my now defunct blog 'Ravings of an Insane Leftist.' Some minor edits have been made. I plan on making the pet peeves thing more of a common occurrence here, as I really enjoy complaining.

Pet Peeves - Raising Children

Originally Posted 08/08/10 on Ravings of an Insane Leftist
Last Edited 12/07/10

I haven't posted in much too long, I am currently teaching myself some economics; weighing the pros and cons of the free market system, which happens to have a few more pros then I previously gave it credit. After watching some libertarian videos I have indeed reexamined some of my opinions on the free market. Normally watching such things would simply annoy me (though I love Bill Maher, however, his status as a libertarian is debatable), but one video (in two parts) really opened my eyes to a few things that had never been explained to me before. Don't get me wrong of course, I still have too many convictions against the free market to jump into that ideology, it simply made me reevaluate previously incorrect assumptions. But I will continue to look into both sides of the argument and my opinion will continue to evolve. That is my political ideology really; continue to evolve, which also makes blogging about politics distressing, as I may look back and regret something I have previously said.

As an update on this introduction I can conclude that I disagree strongly with the free market ideology as, from my point of view, it would demolish what little is left of the middle class. It allows for companies to take control over systems that we require and attempt to profit off of them, which will lead to many of us being unable to afford to use these essential services. This will lead to a cycle in which the poor continue stay poor, unable to afford education and better opportunities for their children, the children will grow up poor and be unable to pull themselves out of that situation, and so forth. Even in today's world, a poor man breaking away from this cycle and making it to the top is such a rare occurrence that we make movies about those who do, in a free market, where there are no public services to help these people succeed, those people must work extremely hard, much harder than any rich man, born into wealth, good education, and status. Over all I am unconvinced that capitalism, or even the monetary system, is sustainable, already it has proven to be strongly flawed and requires much regulation to prevent its collapse. I apologize as this is not the purpose of this article, but rather to clarify that after looking into the ideology of libertarianism I have concluded that, while some of what it has to offer does sound appealing, we see everyday that the consumer is genuinely too stupid to follow the set of rules that the ideology is based upon to function correctly, such as the idea that the consumer will buy the cheapest and best made product causing competition between companies to focus on these factors to create better products at cheaper rates, yet people will line up for hours to buy an iPhone they know has a major flaw that disconnects calls if held wrong, which also costs absurd amounts of money both for the product and per month for the service, or pay hundreds for a shoe assembled by children in India that will fall apart in a few months.

This is something I had written a little while ago and meant to post, but began to have second thoughts because of the potential backlash. I had joined a (vastly liberal) political site recently and written something much like this there, however it was much less thought out (not that this one is all that thought out either), it was deleted, and I believe people were not happy about it. I don't think it is necessarily that bad; nothing more than two of my pet peeves about the way some children are raised. But then again...

Circumcision

My argument in one sentence: What does your child's genitalia have to do with you? To my knowledge, female circumcision has been banned in North America, and for good reason, as female circumcision can cause serious side-effects--such as death. Male circumcision has plenty of side-effects as well, though they are more rare and often not all that serious. The three main arguments for male circumcision are looks, cleanliness, and religious purposes. The first point goes back to my main argument; the fact that someone would circumcise their child on the basis that they think it looks better is just creepy. I can understand why a parent may want their child's penis to look better on the premise that it is deformed, but an intact penis is not deformed, in fact, since the majority of the planet does not circumcise their children, it could be argued that a circumcised penis is the true deformation. Circumcision can be performed at any time in one's life, but it cannot be reversed. If the the person in question wants to be circumcised as an adult he can have that done. So the fact that a parent may feel a circumcised penis is better looking is irrelevant, as the child can have the procedure later in life if he agrees, but doesn't have to if he does not agree. Point number two is a valid one in a sense, but circumcision is overkill. I don't like blowing my nose, but I have yet to cut it off. Apparently the foreskin shouldn't even pull back until the boy is able to clean his own penis--I feel that is important to point out as it is one thing to tell your child to make sure he cleans there, but I would personally, and I'm sure others may as well, feel uncomfortable doing more than what would be necessary for a circumcised child. As for religion, well, parts of Europe are currently banning the burqa, strange that they'd go for the clothing before the barbaric practices performed on defenceless children. If you are still not convinced and you happen to be a right-wing American: Circumcision is a Muslim tradition.

Now, prepare to have your mind read: Sorry, you are incorrect; I was circumcised as an infant and I am quite fine with the fact.

Actually, over the past couple months since this article was first posted I have come to realize that I am not fine with having been circumcised as an infant. It was cruel and something that should have been my choice, not my parents or anybody's, not unless their was good reason for the operation to be done.

Brainwashing

Children have their own minds and can make their own choices. Brainwashing makes children ignorant; it prevents them from learning all the facts to come to their own conclusions. To be clear here, the types of brainwashing I am referring to are religious and political. (As opposed to what, I'm not sure.) I think the most important factor in this is when you are telling your children bible quotes or reasons as to why Obama is a socialist, you child has no fucking clue what you are talking about. (Hell, if you think Obama is a socialist, you clearly don't either.) Unfortunately, they will soak up that information, and they will reiterate it. They will think of it as a fact just as they are taught to do, and with their most formative days completely filled with this they may grow to be extremely close-minded to other opinions, which is great for the parents, but terrible for them.

I mean this all in a more extreme fashion. If you want to teach your children that Jesus is your saviour or that liberals are lazy and just want handouts then whatever, but when it comes to children being raised as neo-Nazis or being brought to Westboro protests, that, I feel, is going too far.

Of course the major problem with this idea is that it violates free speech. The best alternative (perhaps the only alternative) would be to make sure that children are well educated.

And to make sure that all children are well educated we would need free, well funded, public schools. ;)

Just a Quick Notice; I Am Still Alive

2010-12-07T15:00:00.000-07:00

This blog has been dead for a fair while now, so has my political blog, but I have begun to write again and I have made a few decisions. First, I will be removing my political blog, because really, who gives a shit? Some of the posts from their will be moved over here, the ones that I find more relevant and whatnot. I found while writing the political blog I forced myself to rant about things I had no knowledge of just so I would have another post. I do plan on posting some short stories on here, might be nice to start sharing what I actually love to do instead of just posting a random rant here and there. I have also stolen the template from my political blog and posted it here, as I worked very hard on that template and this blog looked like crap. So there may be a bit of a flood of posts here in the next little while.

Glee Does Rocky Horror?

2010-10-20T11:18:00.000-06:00

Glee is planning on making a Rocky Horror episode. I have seen Glee a couple times and I really enjoyed it actually, but I love Rocky Horror, and rather than looking forward to the episode, I am quite conflicted as to whether or not I'll even watch it. Rocky Horror meets Degrassi? I'm not sure I like this at all...

A Little Update

2010-09-29T01:04:00.000-06:00

Perhaps I should try to get out of the house more. I am in one of my OCD fits, something I don't think I have ever really gone into before with anyone, let alone written about on this blog. I just have the urge to do something, but I am not sure what, just something. I feel better as a write. It probably has to do with the copious amounts of caffeine I have ingested today, something I have lacked the ability to do for a long while, as previously drinking more than a little bit of coke or coffee caused me to get unbearable heartburn.
  There is a mouse in my room, I haven't named him yet. He is smart, doesn't fall for the traps that were set around the house. He mostly stays in my room, though he lived under the kitchen sink for a little while. I have been feeding him as to prevent any wire chewing. Kiwi, my cat, although chubby and afraid of almost everything, is an amazing hunter. Thus I haven't let her in my room for a few days. Yes, she could get rid of the mouse, but at what cost? There would be dead mouse all over my room, besides, he is really cute, I'd rather not kill him at all. Perhaps try to cage him, keep him as a pet!
  In other news, my website is back up and quite glorious if I do say so myself. There are still a few things that need ironing out, the fact that it doesn't work whatsoever in Internet Explorer would be one. But I am working on it, just rather slowly. I am still looking for work, made up my resume really nicely, but I'm somewhat stuck. I bought a GED study book, as I am sure getting my GED would be extremely helpful when looking for work. I think I may start going for walks and writing outside or something, I am feeling a little claustrophobic, I don't get out much without having money to spend on junk.
  I realize how pointless this update is, I actually needed to update due to an error on my website that I am still working out, plus I figure there has been some new developments that my adoring fans deserve to know about. I still haven't gotten to work on the new layout for this blog yet, I actually forgot all about it. I'll get around to it eventually.

My Mum Actually is on Facebook

2010-08-04T20:35:00.000-06:00

Before I begin, you'll notice that I am currently using a template for this blog, I plan to start editing it soon, but for now I'm just keeping it as is.

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Well I recently got my haircut, finally removed that old mohawk. I loved my mohawk, but it really didn't seem worth keeping, as I hated it down and never put it up. In case you were interested, here are some highly egocentric photos I took of myself:

Getting to the point of this post; you know that song My Mom's on Facebook? Well it isn't funny anymore. My mum was on Facebook, but she never bothered me and eventually she just up and left. Recently, as in like a couple days ago, she decided to jump back onto the online community. That wasn't a big deal for me, but have you ever tried using the chat program on that thing to talk to friends? It is terrible, but unfortunately, it is the only thing some of my friends can use. Yesterday I used my status to publicly declare how I felt about Facebook chat and all its problems:

My mother sat me down and we had a little talk about how to portray oneself to others. I still have yet to delete the status as per her request, instead using it as a passive-aggressive protest against her attempting to control what I do on Facebook. So anyway--oh, what's this? An email from Facebook?

I love you and all mum, but I just don't know what to do with you.

Is That Ride Supposed Break Apart Like That?

2010-07-19T08:36:00.001-06:00

Both blogs have been rather dead as of late, not so much because I have nothing to say (I always have something to bitch on and on about, especially when dealing with politics) but because I just haven't been in the mood for writing. I decided, after viewing my last cop-out of a post, that I shall force myself to admit to what has been going on in my life. For one, earlier last month I was given a deadline. I am to either start working by the end of summer or... Well I am afraid that is all the information I was given. Being the lazy bastard that I am (formerly procrastinating bastard, but one inevitably leads to another) I have not gone out and applied for a job--though I am not without a plan. There is a small 'Source by Circuit City' near my home that has been tucked away in the far corners of the outdoor mall known as Signal Hill. I feel I am rather well informed about new technology, and a slow, boring work environment is exactly what I am looking for, so I will most likely apply there in the near future.
I am currently undergoing a renovation of both this blog and my actual webpage. I promise it will not disappoint. Among the new additions to the site will be a theatre, as I tend to watch a lot of movies I figure every once and a while I could write a little review of one of my favourites here on this blog, and link to the embedded video on another page. Always high quality videos of course, Youtube just doesn't cut it. As well, I should begin to write tutorials once again; I have learned quite a lot about graphic design, HTML, and CSS over the past while and I feel I should share that knowledge. If there is anything in particular you would like to know drop me a comment and I'll get right on that.
So I went to the Stampede with a friend the other day. It was the first time in my entire life that I actually went on the majority of the rides there; I was always too afraid to as a child. Perhaps I wasn't so wrong to be afraid, however. Later in the evening we became aware of an accident that happened while we were at a different section of the park in which a ride broke apart and sent several people flying. Nobody was killed, but several were injured. What got me was something the ride company had said to cover their asses: Something along the lines of, "We check the rides everyday to make sure they are safe." Now at first that sounded reassuring, but then it hit me; they checked this ride and it still shot people into trees. They might as well have said there is a fair chance some other rides may fall apart due to our negligence.

Homophobia means:

2010-06-20T15:33:00.000-06:00

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

A friend on deviantART posted this on her blog there. I thought it had a really awesome message and thus here I have posted it. On my other blog, Ravings of an Insane Leftist: The Ideological Rants and Short Essays of a Canadian Punk, formerly Rantings of an Insane Leftist, I posted a list of the "Top Ten Reasons to Ban Gay Marriage" which, as this post would suggest, was written in complete sarcasm. If you liked this post you may enjoy reading that one.

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I think it is worth noting that this is my sixtieth post here on Routine Habits, perhaps also worth noting is that after three years I still only have six followers. I plan on doing some edits to this blog in the near future as well, blogger having these new templates to choose from and a new editing system makes it a lot easier to create something original without it looking like crap.

Don't Chew Headphone Cords

2010-05-05T00:59:00.000-06:00

I have been and I keep wrecking the damn things. Now here is a bunch of random, music-related things in my life as of late:

I recently found out about a band called The Restarts, fucking great band, they quickly became one of my favourites. Awesome music, awesome lyrics, and, according to the guy who told me about them (who was also their photographer), awesome people. Which doesn't surprise me after checking out their MySpace page. (It would seem that at this point punks are the only people that keep that site alive.) If there is anyone out there listening to my insanity, you should check these guys out.
  Other than discovering a new punk band I also discovered a "new" television show. It has actually been around for something like over twenty years now, but only in the United Kingdom. The show is called Never Mind The Buzzcocks, the name being an obvious play on the classic punk band Sex Pistols' album Never Mind The Bullocks, replacing bullocks with the name of a pop-punk band of the same era. The basic idea of the show is to make fun of the guests and pretty much any celebrity that comes up in conversation, oh, and to play silly games involving pop music for points that are essentially completely irrelevant. The show is often horribly offensive and quite ridiculous, but perhaps the funniest thing I have ever watched. This isn't the greatest example but it will have to do:

  I cannot stand the popular things to hate bullshit that people obsess over. All it takes is for someone to bring up Justin Bieber and everyone goes from young adult to junior high student trying to fit in. It is really rather pathetic, and most often I try to defend him in as neutral a way as possible. Usually just stating it is rather unfair--and laughably immature--for a group of eighteen to twenty-five-year-olds to attack a young teen for no apparent reason whatsoever, using those clearly well thought out insults like fag. This goes for things like the Twilight series and Michael Jackson as well: The majority of the people who make fun of these things know very little about them, they simply make fun of them because everyone else does, and they are so much more annoying than those who are obsessed fanatics, at least to me. Probably because there are so many more of them. I bring this up because, while I knew Bieber was a dorky kid and I felt his music was mediocre at best, I still felt he didn't deserve the immense amount of hate he was getting. But then I saw this, and I am really not sure what to think anymore:

Really? German is not a word in America? Perhaps that has something to do with the Nazis...
Even if I gave him the benefit of the doubt regarding the accent, Bieber still looks like an idiot because the man clearly asks if Bieber means basketball in [a foreign language], and even shows him the card with German written on it and Bieber is still clueless and states it isn't a word in America. So, just for reference to any American reading: Click here to learn about the German language.
  I know that I sound like a bit of a hypocrite now, but idiocy is a pet peeve of mine. And a quick note to Americans; if you want the rest of the world to stop assuming you are all idiots, stop advertising it with shows like Jersey Shore and with your immensely long list of moronic celebrities, which now includes Justin Bieber (who is actually a Canadian, but apparently regards himself as American, and at this point I am just going to go with that). And no, I personally do not think all Americans are idiots. Just wanted to point that out for fear of annoying, bitchy comments.
Now please enjoy the following video:

See what I did there? Oh, I am just so funny.

- - -
I just wanted to add some information on the projects I am currently working on. As I said in my last, quickly written post, I started another blog called Rants of an Insane Leftist. Which is really just as it sounds; me "discussing" my [perhaps overly] liberal point of view on current [and not so current] events.
  I am also in the middle of two other writing projects, though fiction instead. The first being with my English friend, Emma, where I am to write the script for a comic book and she is to do the illustrating, and then I will do the colouring. So far it looks as though our collaborating may result in a fair product:

My other prose fiction project is a new book that is currently labelled Thief and Beggar, though I am not sure for how long, or even what relevance the current title has. I suppose I just like how it sounds. I am not going to say much about the novel at this point, but I have already written a good few pages. Hopefully it won't end up like my last novel, which got up to one-hundred-and-seventy-some-odd pages before I gave it up. And I suppose that is everything, thanks for reading.

New Blog!

2010-05-02T14:35:00.002-06:00

I started a new blog as a way to express my certain opinions on the world, it is a lot easier than doing a podcast! I would love it if you would join me at Rants of an Insane Leftist! I will still update this blog as a journal of my life, as I have been all along.

My Own Podcast

2010-03-19T20:24:00.000-06:00

I have started another project! I do start a lot of little projects. This time I am starting my own podcast, something to express my opinions on the world. I have had other little projects to do the exact same thing, all of which I do plan to follow through with, it just happens oh so slowly. I am a master procrastinator!

Concentrate

2010-03-02T16:50:00.000-07:00

Right now I should be working on my social, but I am finding it so unbelievably, frustratingly hard to concentrate, I cannot focus at all and I really want to break stuff. I need to start taking my medication again, I just cannot function like this. I can only write/read/draw for so long before it starts to become harder and harder and harder until finally I cannot think at all and I am hitting myself on the head over and over again. It is bullshit, this is my life over the past few years: Goes to hospital for severe OCD, depression, and anxiety - Goes blind - Goes poor - Goes confused.
I will be an old man by twenty.

Anyway! The main reason why I am making this blog post is to show you an amazing quote I read on deviant art.

“You think your life is hard?
  Well, FUCK YOU. It has nothing on mine. My mom practically kicked my ass out of the house before I hit thirteen, and I never even met my dad. My only friend till I was ten was the kool-aid prick next store who was always beating the shit out of me and telling me I wasn’t worth shit. Its not even like I had a choice. During my entire adolescence, I was moving around from place to place trying to get along with people who didn’t even want me.
  You think that’s the worst? My only friend was an Asian guy in his thirties or something, who only kept me around because he thought I could help him get laid. The only perk was that I also got to hang around with this cute ginger chick. She was flat as a pancake, sure, but damn, she was a total nymph. She must have been a sadist or something cause she always took pleasure in hitting me and telling me how she loved to get wet.
  But dear god, the bane of my existence was this adult couple that I could NOT seem to avoid. You know, those absolutely sickening couples, like they wear matching outfits and finish each other’s sentences? Yeah they were total creepers. They also had a cat, which was at least twice as annoying as they were. I swear, this thing would never shut the fuck up.
  Like I said, I ended up moving from town to town getting into fights with other kids my age, even adults from time to time. The only thing that kept me going was my dream to become a Pokemon master.”

Poor Ash, he had it rough.

My Sister Is Back!

2010-02-18T15:38:00.002-07:00

My sister surprised me today, she had been down under for awhile now, and we had all thought she would be there for awhile yet, however, my mother came back from having coffee out with my grandmother and returned with gifts. One of which happened to be my sister. She jumped out from around a corner, scaring me, and then confusing me for a split second before finally the excitement kicked in. She was finally home, it was wonderful!
  Unfortunately some bad came with this; she brought me a pack of cigarettes. I have been trying to quit, but not long enough for me to reject them. I just had one moments ago, and the intense have begun again already, I sense some frustration in my future. I had just enough willpower to take two from the pack for myself and toss the rest into my stepbrother's room. Now I hope I have the willpower to overcome what is going to happen once the two cigarettes I have are gone. I wanted to save them for the worst moments, but those moments are truly unavoidable. I will have to go through it at some point.
  I hate those stupid thoughts telling me not to quit for silly reasons that at the moment sound quite logical. I just need to remember the pain I feel when I smoke, sometimes it causes me to slip into depression, sometimes I just feel like shit after having a cigarette. What I want in my life right now is to get healthy, get in shape, finish school, get a nice job, maybe even start Tae kwon-do again. When I smoke I am losing tons of cash that I don't even have right now, and I can't even run up the stairs in my house because I lose my breath. It's pathetic.

I started writing again a little bit, it would be nice to really get back into that again. After hearing about some of the things my sister has done in Australia and seeing a video of her skydiving I really want to start travelling too. Just go all over the world, taking pictures and writing about the things going on around me, it just sounds so wonderful.
  So I shall make some plans for the future, but right now I would like to figure out why my classes haven't started and look into finding some part-time work. Maybe something just one or two days a week, as I don't need very much money right now, I just need some. And since I am (trying) not (to continue) smoking, I won't have to worry about that added expense.

Len!

2010-02-14T18:47:00.002-07:00

Life is pretty good these days. I have actually stopped taking my medication, which at first I thought was a really dumb idea, but over-all I seem to be quite a bit more happy then when I was taking them! I have got back into drawing a lot lately, as well as gotten into Vocaloid songs! Yeah, I am a dork, but in a way it has payed off, I started drawing fan art, and not only did I get a helluva lot better at drawing, I also got a lot more views, helping me get my art out there. I'm still not super popular or anything, but with a larger fan base and much better art I think I am on my way. It's nice to have my art recognized, it is something I love and work hard on, and when people complement it, that is just an amazing feeling. Here is my latest picture:

Cute yes? You can see more of my art at http://kitzdedier.deviantart.com/ Other then drawing I have started school again, sort of. After showing up for a couple days and getting the online school training done for some reason I could not begin doing my actual courses. Turns out that I still have a little while to wait until the classes start, which is nice, gives me some time to just hang out. They still want me to come in on Tuesday for some reason, even though I cannot do my courses. Probably to get me used to the school, I actually take online courses, but I come in for a couple hours everyday for help and other stuff.

So I went out yesterday and hung out at a mall with Mercy, my friend from Building Futures, she is awesome but just as indecisive about things as I am, so when it came to choosing what to do next she always made it up to me and I never had an idea. I met her mom as well, and she is pretty awesome, she loves to read like me, and has a bookshelf full of Stephen King, just like me! When me and Mercy were out I found out that I had a gift card for HMV with twenty bucks still on it, and after a long time trying to decide what to do with it I bought a sick Ramones belt buckle for my bondage belt. I have wanted a buckle for that belt for a long time. So it was pretty cool, other then the fact that I was dead tired the whole time, which I am pretty sure annoyed Mercy a little bit.

That is all for now!

Life

2009-12-12T11:44:00.000-07:00

I have finished Building Futures now, and I am trying hard to find a new job. I have filled out an application for Safeway, I don't really want to work for a huge corporation, but I don't have much choice. I guess it has finally hit me that I am no longer a child, or even a teen really; I am an adult. I suppose what I am feeling, excitement and fear, is normal for someone my age. My life is now completely up to me, I can choose to do what ever I wish to do. So my plan is to start school once again, this time I am taking only one or two courses at a time and I will be doing it at home, online. I will hopefully get a job soon, having money would be nice, and I would also like to volunteer working with youth--to add that to my resume would really help me find a job in youth work. I really want to help children and teens who struggle with depression and the like, much the same as I was for a long time. Other then that I plan to write, and write a lot. I need to make sure that my dream of becoming a novelist does not slip through my fingers, it is time for me to write again and keep writing until I have my book in my hands.

In Need of Stress Relief

2009-12-02T22:18:00.000-07:00

I am in a very tight spot at the moment, I am overwhelmed with things in my life. I was to just shut off the world for a few days and relax--straighten out my mind. Unfortunately I do not have that privilege. How can I relieve all the stress in my life? I feel like a Jenga game; as I try to piece together my life, other aspects are being taken apart, soon I will crash to pieces. Oh how I wish I could go back to sitting in my chair and writing every day, but even if I had the time to do as such, I cannot seem to write like that anymore.
Two things have been bothering me over the last couple days. One is something I would like to stop doing and the other is something I would like to start. The former is to quit smoking and the latter is to begin working out more. Both things that are going to be a rather large pain in the ass to do. Both are very much worth it, however. I think by doing those two things I can really reduce a lot of the current stress in my life. Though, of course, it will begin with adding a lot more stress for awhile, until things start to work out. I have looked into some quit smoking aids, such as the inhalers, which I thought would be perfect, but they are incredibly expensive. I would much rather quit cold-turkey anyway, as quitting any other way just means getting addicted to something else. As for working out, well, we have somewhat of a miniature gym in out living room. An exercise bike; bench-press; weights and such. I plan to start off by riding the exercise bike for a good hour or two every evening as I used to do many months ago, but stopped for some reason. And I guess I will just take it from there.

Apology

2009-11-28T15:33:00.000-07:00

A little while ago I wrote a blog post about a man I once knew. In this post I was angry and I exaggerated many of the things that transpired in the conversation I had with him. I am very sorry for this, because in reality the man is often very nice and respectful, some occasions like the one I wrote about a few days ago just happened every once and awhile and I had gotten sick of it. I really doubt he will read this, but I hope he does. It was unfair of me to post a hateful thing like that about him, no matter what he had said. I will not be removing the post, as I meant what I said in it, about how much I dislike ignorant comments and the like, but I will apologize to the man I was referring to as I made him out to be much worse then he really is. So this is me saying sorry, we may have had our disagreements, I am just as guilty as you for saying things I shouldn't, whether it be on purpose or because I did not fully understand what I was talking about, but I really hope you will accept my apology.

A Little Bit Pessimistic Tonight

2009-11-15T19:00:00.000-07:00

I started a new novel recently. It is called I Kill People, I know a stupid title, but that is just what I am working with at the moment. I think I have almost completely given up on my last novel, which is sad because of all the time and effort I put into it. A whole two-hundred and seventy pages. Maybe I'll pick it up again, maybe not, but for now I'm leaving it alone. Too depressing--too disturbing. I like my new novel but I have no clue where I am going with it, plus I can't seem to write it the way I wrote the last one. Before, I was writing at least one-thousand words a day, often over three-thousand, now I can barely write five-hundred, and most days I don't write at all. I don't think it is the story, I think it is just me. My disposition fluctuates so frequently. I don't expect to be happy every minute of every day, but I do expect to be happy for much more then the majority. Is that expecting too much? Are we all supposed to spend at least a quarter of everyday feeling like shit? If so I want out, because that is how my life is right now and it isn't fun, far from it.
I feel overwhelmed. I can't stand this constant up and down roller-coaster ride that is my emotions. I have no stability in my life and too many aspirations--too many unrealistic aspirations. Well maybe that is exaggerating it a little, instead I should say: Too many large aspirations and too little patience. What I want to do with my life takes a lot of time, and I always feel panicked for time; I feel I don't have time. I do not want to be going to a dead end job for another ten years before my life begins to pick up, and that is expecting too much when it comes to real life. At least it really, really feels that way.

Wishful Drinking

2009-11-14T19:05:00.000-07:00

I read Carrie Fisher's memoir Wishful Drinking this morning and I had a blast doing it. It was a short novel, and only took a me a couple hours to get through, but it was a couple of the best hours I have ever spent reading. Not only was it interesting, funny and just a great overall read, it also made some very nice points about the way life should be viewed. My favourite line is “If my life wasn't funny, it would just be true, and that is unacceptable.” I really take that line to heart. She points out something that I had long forgotten, something that is somewhat a key to having a happy life: You need to laugh at yourself, because really, your life is pretty fucking hilarious. Just think about it, think of something you are so unbelievably embarrassed or ashamed about. Take that moment and see it through all other perspectives you can think about. You could be a closeted homosexual with a wife and three kids. Sad situation? In a way. Funny? Very. Am I being insensitive by saying that? To most people, probably. But if you can't see the humour in things like that then, in my opinion, you have no sense of humour. You may be reading this and think you have a horrible life filled with bad luck, but I'm hoping as you do read this you can see how ridiculous all your bad luck is, how you seem to be a target for unfortunate events. Then you can laugh, laugh at how much it sucks, how silly it is that these things always seem to happen to you. I'm not really sure if I am making sense to whomever is reading this, but if and when you do finally understand, try not to lose that feeling. Because really, why get angry, why cry, why yell at people, when you can just laugh at how stupid the whole situation is.
I know I got way off topic from Carrie Fisher's memoir, but that wasn't really the purpose of this post anyway. I really think everyone should check out Wishful Drinking, it is an easy read and more than worth the time it takes to finish it. I'm very glad I read it, first as it was great entertainment, and second as it reminded me to always laugh at life, because life is a joke, and like any good joke, it ends with laughter.

That sounded a little morbid, but I was just trying to be clever...

Ignorance

2009-11-06T18:59:00.001-07:00

Whoever said ignorance is bliss obviously was not referring to those that must deal with the ignorant ones. I have talked to many ignorant people, (I prefer to refer to them as ignorant because they are not racist, what they say is racist, but they are merely too damn stupid to realize they are wrong). Recently I had quite the discussion with one man from the United States, the fool was a spitting image of a deep-south stereotype and was very difficult to talk to. From his point of view, because the 9/11 terrorists were Muslim (which I'm really not sure is even true), and because their are Muslims in Iraq, the war in Iraq was completely justified! Not stopping there, he proceeded to explain that the Muslim religion was built upon the destruction of all other religions. Well, truth be told, most religions are built upon that ideal, but according to this ridiculous man, Muslims are taught to kill off all of those that do not believe what they believe! This I know for a fact is not true, as I know several Muslims and none of them have ever tried to kill me, I suspect that none of them have any plans to either.
I wish I could say that it is not his fault, that he is just misinformed, but the most intolerable thing about ignorant people is their disregard for others' opinions. Thus no matter what I said to him, he would simply retort with another ridiculous, ignorant comment.

- - -
Recently I have managed to get myself back into the arts. I feel that I have been tailor made for the them, though I may not be the greatest artist or writer, it is what I love to do and I am very glad to be back into my niche. Most of my art can be viewed on a website known as deviantART, (http://kitzdedier.deviantart.com/). As well as getting back into drawing, I have also begun to write again. I plan to post some short stories in the near future upon this very blog, and upon my deviantART account.
As this is a very important aspect of my life I plan to continue and hopefully make a career out of it. I have said this many times; more then anything I would love to be a novelist, and hopefully one day I will be. I will continue working on my website once again to showcase my art and writing, among other things, and I hope those of you out there reading this will continue to do so.
Thank you!

Which Way To Hell?

2009-09-11T13:27:00.000-06:00

Just keep going down the road your on, you'll get there eventually.

I'm not very smart, or responsible, or both or something, I'm not sure. I have been doing some really stupid things lately, things I would rather not talk about. I did start writing again however, and that has been going pretty well. I don't write nearly as much as I was a few months ago, but at least I'm writing something. I've written up to page 270 in my novel so far, and I'm quite proud of myself. Too bad the story sucks, if it didn't I could be on my way to having a career going haha. Whatever, I'd be proud of writing so much if I wrote it like an eight-year-old. Besides, I am on my way to having a career aren't I? If I just keep writing I'll get there eventually. I hope.
I watched The Secret the other day. I really wish that I could believe what it said, but it was pretty stupid if you think about it. The message was if you think really hard, and truly believe, you can have what ever you want. Reminds me of how Peter Pan teaches Wendy to fly. I'm a dreamer, all I do is fantasize about having what I want, yet I haven't really got any of it. Well, that isn't true, I just haven't gotten any of the things I really want. Whatever, I still fantasize about what I want, and believe that I really do have it, just like the movie says, so if it's true one day I will get what I want, and if it isn't true, well I am working toward havin what I want anyway so hopefully it will pan out one way or the other!

Kiwi!

2009-09-05T14:31:00.002-06:00

I got an HD camera for my birthday from my dad. I was over at his house last night, it was a lot of fun, we had a fire and an AMAZING dinner, it was so good. Today I began to play around with the camera to get used to it, I love it so much. My cat was playing with a shoelace so I decided why not film this and pop it onto youtube. So here you go, my cat Kiwi playing on the deck in High Def!

Haha, well it is a little large for the blog, it sticks into the sidebar, but whatever!

New World Order

2009-09-01T20:34:00.000-06:00

Do you think there will ever be a perfect world? I have dreamt for many years of a wonderful place, but I doubt it will ever be a reality. People don't want a perfect world, for whatever reason, humans need to hate and suffer. I often wonder what the purpose in living is if we are not always having fun, if the majority of our lives are not enjoyed then why are we living? Is it not just a boring, even painful, existance? Society won't let most of us enjoy the majority of our lives because we are forced into working in jobs we hate for our entire lives. What would another intelligent life form say about us if they found our planet years after we had all died off? That is an easy question. They would call us the most useless life form ever to have existed. Why? Because almost all of us had pointless lives which we barely enjoyed, if we enjoyed them at all, and we completely distroyed our planet and ourselves because we considered outrselves to be all powerful compaired to any other creature. But of course we are not all powerful, we are weak, meaningless beings that live on such a rich and wonderful planet which we all take for granted and distroy, just to live our meaningless lives with more things we don't need.
Many would argue that we are not meaningless, that they have meaning. Maybe the only reason I feel humans are so meaningless is because I, myself, do not feel that I have a meaning. Some do most do not. To feel you hacve meaning is much different then actually having a meaning. One can find meaning in helping other humans, but unless those humans have meaningful existances that person really didn't do shit all. I suppose that is an unfair thing to say. In truth I'm not really sure where I am going with all of this, I simply wish that I had a meaning or purpose. Can I create my purpose of must I find it? Is my suffering an important part in finding my meaning or does it serve no purpose? In a way I suppose I'm asking if there is a higher power or not, because only a higher power could design a life in which all things come together, in which suffering creates understanding and purpose, in which there can be purpose at all.
Unfortunatly those questions cannot be answered. Not by any person, only the higher power. Many religous crazies would tell me that they can answer those questions because they know the "truth." They forget that the bible was written by humans, and humans love to make shit up. I believe that much of the bible could be true, but I have no doubt that those who wrote it tossed in their own ideals, what they feel was right and wrong. I guess I do believe in a higher power, but I also believe that organized religion is an exploitation of that higher power to get others to believe what one man--one mortal human--believes is right. I should create my own religion, a cult if you will. Haha. I believe I know what is right, though what I believe isn't right to another person from another culture, and maybe what they believe makes more sense then what I believe. I accept that, and I have no doubt that if the rest of the world accepted that too we'd have a lot less violence. Whatever.

Low

2009-08-25T19:33:00.001-06:00

I am writing this on my new laptop, I just bought it yesterday and I'm quite happy about it. I also started writing again, being able to take my laptop outside to write has really helped. Right now I feel a little low, I feel that it may worsen and soon I may be feeling depressed again. I don't understand why I can't just be happy. I wonder a lot about purpose and higher powers, I have talked a lot about trying to find a purpose in this blog. Maybe I don't have a purpose, maybe nobody does. I am going to try and make the best of my time off, I need to do something of value. I still haven't gone out to get a job, I'm a lazy fuck. That maight help, but at the same time I know it will make things worse. Why? Because it will frustrate me, like most things do.
I have decided on what I would like for my eighteenth birthday. A lobotomy. That would be nice.

What Have I Done?

2009-08-23T14:44:00.000-06:00

I have screwed over my life so many times, and yet I never learn. I just repeat the same mistakes over and create new ones while I'm at it. I hate myself, I hate everything about me, and it feels like I can't change anything. Why am I here? I shouldn't exist. I want things to work out, I really do, but I'm not letting them, I'm not putting in the effort to fix things. I don't understand why--do I subconsciously hate myself; do I want to fail? Sometimes I really think I do. I feel like such a waste of everything I consume, including the space I take up and the air I breathe. So what have I done--besides dig a hole too large to get out of? I have done nothing, nothing that has any importance to me or anyone else. I turn eighteen in twelve days I believe. Then what?
Maybe I should get a job, take my mind off things and put some cash in my pocket. The thrift store down the street is hiring, I think that would be a nice, simple job, plus I don't need to worry so much about finding a ride there. I think working at a bookstore would also be rather nice, I love books. I guess the truth is I'm just lazy, not a hard worker, so I need a job where I can be rather lazy. I should also start writing again, I almost picked it up again but then I stopped. You know what? I'll do it, I'm going to go job hunting tomorrow.

Unmotivated

2009-08-18T10:55:00.000-06:00

Well I have yet to sleep, my days and nights have gotten a little jumbled and I thought it would be a good idea to stay awake until tonight to fix that. I've been procrastinating a lot of things, like writing, I continue to say I will begin again soon but never do. Other things too, like my website and my webcomic. I need to know what my purpose is. I need to know why I'm here and where I'm going. I need to know if the void in my life will be filled. If there is no purpose, no future or nothing to fill that void then why do I keep going? And at this moment there is no purpose, future nor anything to fill my void. I'm not depressed, at least not right now, and I'm not thinking about hurting myself, I'm just feeling unmotivated. I need to take a shower, I smell awful. I know what I want to do with my life, but I don't know if I can make it. I've said that a billion times before. Maybe if I didn't half-ass everything I did...

Without Blurred Vision

2009-08-13T14:46:00.002-06:00

I can't say I'm a sad excuse for a human being, because the standard is very low. Still, I'm rather pathetic. I could go on and on about why I think so, but that would be pointless. I can't believe how close my birthday is, I'm not even sure I want to turn eighteen. I just came back from having a nice lunch with my father at a Vietnamese resturant, that was enjoyable. I just don't know what's wrong with me lately, I felt out of it, not just spaced out, but out of place all together. I don't feel like I belong anywhere anymore. I also feel weak, out of control. I don't think I have full control over my actions. It's like intoxication without blurred vision. I feel alone, abandoned, but I also feel there was never anyone there to abandon me. How can I feel lonely if I have lived my life alone? How can I miss something I have never had?

Just Thinking...

2009-08-08T12:36:00.003-06:00

September 24th is the first birthday of Routine Habits. For some reason I wish I could say it has been a short pointless year, but it hasn't. I discovered my identity, I've spent all my life as a generic kid not knowing where I belong, hanging out with whoever let me around. Now I know who I am. It's sad to think that I would rather talk about the upcomming aniversary of my blog, which is about seven weeks away, then my upcomming eighteenth birthday, which is about four weeks away.

* * *

  I have a hole in my life, one I'm not sure can be filled. Something is missing. I think about the future a lot, but no fantasy life seems to satisfy me. What am I missing and how do I get it? Some days I can't even fathom how the hell I could have anything I want in life; I can't see a family, I can't see a published book, I can't see having my own life at all. I need patience I suppose, somehow that just sounds like the answer to me. I have always said, "Patience is a virtue I have no time for." I have no idea where that saying came from, it sounds to clever for it to be something I have made up myself. I really need reassurance, I have said that before in this blog. I need a sign that tells me everything will work out at least moderately well.
  I really should take a vacation, I think it would really help clear my head. I'm going to buy a cheap laptop for writing and a camera, then I'll take what is left and head out. Fuck, I just wish it was as simple as it sounds. I can't go by myself, but there is nobody to go with me. I can't go very far either. Maybe some time in the mountains is all I need.
  Well, I have been sitting here thinking while I write for the past half an hour. Blogging is helpful for me when I need to think, writing in general is really. I wish I actually had readers, then maybe someone would drop me a few suggestions. Haha.

Last Day at Building Futures

2009-08-07T19:01:00.000-06:00

I am now out of the Building Futures life skills program. I'm on the wait-list for the employability portion of the program, but I may have to wait until the end of September or something like that before I can get in. So for now I just hang out I suppose. Turns out my last paycheque will total something like $1250, which will be nice. I still want to take off...but that doesn't seem too likely.
So, as for the money I know the first thing I'm going to do is toss $300 into a savings account and never touch it. As time goes by I'll add money here and there, according to what we have learned during budgeting in the life skills program I should put all the money that I don't require into the bank, there should be no extra money, only savings. That would require putting all my money in the bank, as I require none. However, I do enjoy having it. Or the things I can do that require money rather, I don't enjoy money itself, I find the whole concept rather repulsive.

Frustration

2009-08-06T17:25:00.000-06:00

  Well tomorrow is my last day in the Life Skills course for Building Futures. Apperently the next course, employability, won't have an available spot until the end of September. This is not why I am frustrated really, but it is kind of annoying. I'm frustrated because I feel very empty at the moment; very unfulfilled. I seem to have lost my aspirations, I feel as though it doesn't matter what I do, I will always feel empty. I just want to get the hell away from everything and begin again, but I don't know the next step. I'm not sure I could even complete the next step. I feel like giving up, but what would that accomplish? I'd just wreck what I have gotten so far, which may be little but still had a lot of effort involved.
  I think I'm going to take my last paycheque from Building Futures and I'm going to take off. I'll find someone to go with me and I'll just spend the next six weeks away from here. One-thousand bucks won't get me far I guess, but I'm happy anywhere, maybe BC. I wonder if I know anyone who would come with me, sadley I really doubt it. I'd need a laptop to bring with me to write, I bet I could find a really cheap one if all I need is to write with it.
  Being realistic for a moment, I'm not conviced I would go through with just taking off for six weeks. I wonder if it would be better to go somewhere cooler for just a week or something. I'm going to do some research on this...

New Jacket

2009-08-05T20:57:00.002-06:00

I got a new denim jacket and I have begun to modify it. Enjoy.

Update

2009-07-31T16:55:00.000-06:00

  So my brother and sister have just left for British Columbia where they will spend the long weekend. I kind of wanted to go, but at the same time I think it is a bad idea, I'd rather not get stuck out there if I find I'd like to go home. I bought a .com name (routinehabits.com) for my website (again, routinehabits.com) and that made me pretty damn happy. My website is slowly comming along, I'm also starting other things like working with flash to make cartoons. I am supposed to write a short story for "work" as a part of a personal growth thing but I'm having trouble starting it. Work is, of course, the Building Futures program which I am attending, which I am also leaving on the seventh of August. Hopefully it will not be too much of a wait before I begin the second part of the program.
  I started smoking again, I dunno if I have mentioned that or not in an earlier post and I don't care enough to go check. Unfortunatly I sort of messed up here and now I have to last till Tuesday on eight smokes. Maybe its for the best eh? Fifty bucks says I ask my step-brother, who I promised not to ask again, to buy me some.
  Well that is all I have to say at this point, check out my website, I'd really appreciate it! :)

Vlog I - My Tablet and Other Junk

2009-07-08T18:00:00.001-06:00

I started vlogging. Here is my latest video!

P.S. Working on moving my site to RoutineHabits.com, I'm excited!

Page 2

2009-07-06T16:13:00.000-06:00

Well, my life is really lame, which matches my webcomic. I'm going to through out the idea of me drawing this comic well and make it more cartoony. Hope you enjoy, page three will be here much sooner.

Fly Away From Here

2009-06-24T20:13:00.000-06:00

I want to leave home so badly. I need to start my own life, I cannot stand my mom or anyone anymore. I just want to leave. That is my new main goal. I'm buying a tablet which will help a lot with my website and web comics, hopefully my website will help in some way once it's up. I'm also going to talk to some one at Building Futures, maybe they might have some helpful advice for me.
Sorry about the comic as well, I have been lazy.

Life Is Good

2009-06-05T15:39:00.000-06:00

For the past few days I have been in such a great mood. Life is just so awesome for me, I haven't felt this way in a long time. I've gotten complements on my writing and comics, (even a couple people who are eager to see the next page!--sorry that it is taking forever to finish). So I've been going to that program and it's great, though they got me smoking. I tried to quit cold-turkey but I was too tempted, so I'm just going at it a step at a time and so far that's working and working quite fast.
So my website is coming along slowly, but now I have a better idea of what I'm going for so I should start speeding things along. The forum is open though quite dead at the moment; I haven't begun to spread word around about it. I have a new tutorial to make, it is rather pointless but I think it'll be cool. Don't worry the comic will be the very next thing I do!

Lots Done!

2009-06-03T21:20:00.000-06:00

Wow! Well my site is still under construction but I did make a forum dedicated to art. I'm still yet to finish the second page of my comic haha. I just got carried away with other things! I'm so tired; I had to run around downtown searching for the 112 bus stop to get home from Building Futures, then I had to go to tae kwon-do, and to top it all off I began to smoke again! Everyone at Building Futures smokes, it was to much temptation unfortunatly. I think I may invest in those nicotine inhalers, maybe they'll work. And that is what I have been up too for the past little while!

Building Futures

2009-05-29T20:39:00.000-06:00

I still haven't finished colouring the second page of the comic, but I'll make sure it is done tomorrow. I've been lazy with everything, I really need to stop procrastinating. Anyway! I start a program called Building Futures on Monday. I get payed minimum wage to learn life skills and job training. So that will be cool I guess, it'll keep me busy and out of trouble. Things are really frustrating for me lately . . . I'll get over it I guess. I just don't trust the unknown enough to put in the effort find out what's next for me. Wish me luck at Building Futures.

Coming Soon!

2009-05-25T18:00:00.002-06:00

Well I started my comic, it's a lot of fun and I'm really excited to see what it becomes in the future. The comic isn't the only thing I have been working on; I have been developing a skin for Windows Live Messanger; I have been creating a couple fonts; and I have been coming up with new tutorial ideas. Don't expect the skin or fonts any time soon I'm afraid, but I am going to post a new photoshop tutorial soon, as well as update the one I have already made on emoticons. I hope you'll check them out!

First Crush Page One

2009-05-25T17:35:00.003-06:00

Routine Habits Presents: First Crush. This is my little comic I started out of boredom and for practice. In my early teens, I was obsessed with anime and manga and I used to doodle and sketch drawings of that style. My drawing style now is highly inspired by that style of cartooning. I decided I would try to take it up again, though this time more seriously. I'm now teaching myself how to draw rather then sketch and right now it still looks like I'm sketching! I'll get better; I'm just out of practice and I really don't know a whole lot about drawing limbs and such. I hope you enjoy this adventure in developing skills with me in this cute story about a lonely kindergartener's first crush.
Just something you should know: at this point I have no idea what the hell I'm doing, so please bare with the short-commings of my comic! Page two just needs to be coloured and will probably be added tomorrow.

Revamp

2009-05-19T12:13:00.006-06:00

I have been out of hospital for awhile, but we lost our internet for a little bit. I have changed up the site a bit and given it more purpose. The beginnings of the site were all over the place; I was a frustrated teenager with no identity. The site had no purpose at first, I just wanted to make a blog; to be creative because that is what I love to do. I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and that is sort of where the blog name comes from. It can be difficult and often very annoying but I think I handle it alright.
This site is for my creativity, because that's all I really have. I will post drawings and stories and tutorials. I have many plans for this blog now, and I'm very excited, I hope you enjoy all the things that will soon be offered.

Almost Out

2009-03-01T16:02:00.001-07:00

So! It has been awhile since I have posted, I guess I just haven't really felt like it and when I have I couldn't. I'm at my father's house at the moment, my computer at home won't let me access blogger, it's a long story that I may explain some other time. I just got a some new shoes, or I guess they are boots, and now I'm just hanging around waiting for supper. I am still in the hospital unfortunatly, but I am getting extremely close to leaving! So hurray for that. Wow, there is a lot I would like to talk about but I'll probably wait until next week to do so... I have grown a lot; learned a lot, I'm starting to think that things may just work out...if I have the energy to keep at it. Which I think I do. I have a lot of work to do now, I have a plan I must accomplish. I have a way to help many people and to teach many people important things that nobody seems to know. On a lighter note, I am also going to work on a couple more fun photoshop tutorials! Speaking of which, something seems to be wrong with the one I made, you go to the page for it and nothing shows up...I'll have to try and fix that soon.

Ouch! My Knees!

2008-12-07T15:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had so much fun! I got out of the hospital for the day and my nine year old cousin Joseph, who I haven't seen in like a year, was over. There was snow on the ground but it was still warm enough outside for a fire. Joe, my brother Brodie and I roasted marshmellows and jumped around on the trampoline. I stayed on my knees to make up for the hieght difference and we played a really fun game for hours; trip Joe, tickle him silly, then let him up and do it again! It was much more fun then it sounds I suppose, but all that bouncing on my knees bruised the hell out of them. Totally worth the pain in my knees right now, I really needed that fun time. Afterwards we drove Brodie to work and went to Zellars to look at toys and wait for my Aunt. Once we met up with her we went to get something to eat. Poor Joe lost his wallet by the end of the night, he just couldn't stop playing with it, tossing it in the air and such. It had five dollars and a thirty dollar Blockbuster giftcard in it, I felt so bad and we retraced are steps to go find it to no avail. I really hope it turns up somewhere, he really liked that wallet and he was so excited to go rent a cool movie or game with the giftcard he got for his birthday. So yesterday was a tiring day for me and today, hopefully, my friend Kenny and I will get to hang out for awhile before I head back to the unit.

Where The Hell Am I?

2008-11-22T20:20:00.000-07:00

I am at the hospital! Yay! No not yay it sucks here. I am stuck here because of the "mental heath act" I am just quickly posting so some friends who I know are rather worried about me at the moment I'm sure, know what has happened to me. So I am fine, nobody got hurt. I am here to sort through some shit in my life that lately I have been pretending doesn't exist. My computer got taken by the police haha wait no thats not funny. So yeah life sucks at the moment but it should all pay off when I am in better control of myself. Anyway! I'm gunna head out! Back to the psychiatric ward for me! Haha!

Make Windows Live Messenger Style Emoticons With Photoshop!

2008-11-10T21:05:00.007-07:00

A Tutorial On How To Make WLM/MSN Messenger Style Emoticons.

Today I’m going to show you guys how to emoticons identical to those already found on Windows Live Messenger (what many still refer to as MSN Messenger). Now it took me some fooling around with Photoshop and a little frustration to get this perfect so if you feel the need to post this tutorial on your website please give me credit for it and ask me first!

1. Open Photoshop and make new file 19x19 pixels, your probably going to need to zoom in quite a bit. Now select the Elliptical Marquee Tool (A) and in the Style drop down menu select Fixed Size (B). Change the width and height to 19 pixels each (C) and create the 19x19 circle simply by clicking the area of the screen you would like the circle to appear at. Zoom in very close and make sure your circle is perfectly centered.

2. Change your foreground colour to #F4CB36 and your background colour to #AF8931. Create a Gradient (A) at -45 degrees with a scale of 50% and the style should be Linear. Now you have the outline of the emoticon.

3. Now create a new layer above the Gradient fill. Once again we use the Elliptical Marquee Tool with Fixed Size. This time the size will be 17x17, make sure this circle is directly in the center. Now change your foreground colour to #FDF15A and your background colour to #EAB425. Once again it is a Linear gradient at -45 degrees except this time the scale will be at 75%. Now you should have this;

You can mess around with the angle and scale to get it just the way you want but I found the 75% and -45 degree angle to be the closest to the standard emoticons.

4. Now we make our face! Let’s start with the eyes. First create a new layer. Now the eyes come in two colours on the standard emoticons; #9A7427 or #AC904C, I like to use the first one. Now back to the Elliptical Marquee Tool with Fixed Size, this time at 4x6 pixels. Just place the oval where you want the eye to be and fill it. So Now you should have eye sockets like this;

Now we take the pencil tool at only 1 pixel in size and fill the inside of the eye white;

The pupils of the eye are coloured #6A2217 and are usually 2x2 pixels. You can place them whatever size or position you damn well please, it is your emoticon after all.

5. Make an expression! Now go wild, here is the rest of the colours; lips are usually #9F4021 but can also be #9A7427. Eyebrows can be #531E0D or #6A2217 and the inside of an open mouth are white with #C6DDF2 shading around the edges. Here’s my emoticon; It's Jerry Only haha! Post a link to the emoticon you made in a comment!

~A little tip, lower the opacity of the pencil tool to add more detail without overdoing the thickness of your lines.
If your emoticons don’t turn out just the way you want don’t worry about it you’ll get better at it by fooling around with it and probably find a way to make them more like the real emoticons then I have shown here.

6. Add your Emoticon to Windows Live Messenger or MSN Messenger! Save your emoticon as a PNG to get the transparency. That way if someone uses a background on their messenger they won’t see a white box behind your emoticons, making it seem even more like a real Windows Live Messenger emoticon. Now in a conversation window select the emoticon menu and press Show All. In the new window that opens up click Create, find your PNG and create a shortcut key for it then press okay. Now whenever talking you just enter the shortcut keys you chose and your emoticon pops up!

Thank you for using my tutorial, I’ll be sure to make many more Photoshop and other program tutorials in the future! Please leave any comments or questions you have!

Boredom

2008-11-04T22:47:00.000-07:00

Ack! Yeah I had a couple rough days after Halloween I really don't even know what was bringing me down but I feel great now. So I'm glad that is over, at the moment I am working on making a really cool picture using stock photos from dA and a shit load of patience. So I'll post that up on here when I'm done of course and share it with all of you! All of you being like 3 people a week that probably all end up here by accident haha. As you can see I have edited the hell out of my blog again, fun stuff, it's still very blue but I can change that in like ten minutes if i felt up to it. I'm also growing a mohawk, it's rather small at the moment though. I guess thats everything, just bored so I thought I'd post some random shit.

Awe Halloween Is Over

2008-11-01T20:04:00.000-06:00

Well we had a pretty fun Halloween, a lot of kids this year and a helluva lot of candy. It was awesome when kids told us we were the best house they've been too. I had a lot of fun and we still have tons of candy to devour. Unfortunately my friend was suddenly and suspiciously too sick to come over, so it was just me and my little bro handing out candy but it was still very fun! We watched Pursuit of Happyness and then I went down to my room at 10:30 to watch Creepshow which was fun. There were more kids this year it seemed but the trick or treating still seemed to die out at about 8:30 though I don;t know if my brother saw anymore after I went downstairs. And someone smashed my pumpkin today and that was rather annoying because I wanted to do that...

Halloween Tomorrow!!! Part II

2008-10-30T21:10:00.001-06:00

I called my friend right after my last post and he said yes he will be coming over tomorrow! Right after that I began work on my pumpkin, and it looks great outside with the candle in it I love it! Unfortunately I only have a webcam and thus could only get this picture for my blog. I'll ask my sister to bring her digital camera when she comes over to drop off candy tomorrow so hopefully I can get a nice picture! You'll also notice the two toothpicks in its mouth, the smile wouldn't really stand up on its own unfortunately.

Halloween Tomorrow!!!

2008-10-30T18:27:00.002-06:00

Alright, I'm starting to post to much again maybe haha. Whatever it's my fuckin' blog you don't like it piss off :D Well I missed out on the Youtube competition but whatever, I still do need to carve the pumpkin, and post a video of my sister and brother and I playing outside. So I'm still excited about Halloween which reminds me I still haven't called my friend I'll do that tonight I suppose. I'll just do everything tonight not like I have anything better going on. Well my sister got Halloween candy though which is nice, so we will be handing out candy this Halloween! Now I just have to figure out what I will dress up as! Jesus! Halloween is tomorrow! I though it was still a couple days away!
My other blog is still just hangin' out for now, I have some shit I need to figure out with it and I still have to design a lot of it...well all of it. I also plan on doing some editing on this blog, I'm sick of the background and the logo so I'll change those up. And hey if you happen to pass by this blog and you have one of your own but you don't know how to edit it and/or you have no means of editing it (i.e. Photoshop) then feel free to ask for my help with designing you blog I'd love to!

Just Random Stuff

2008-10-27T19:31:00.007-06:00

I forgot that today I had a dentist appointment. It really sucked getting woken up and dragged off for four fillings but at least it's over. Except it isn't really over because my mouth feels like death, yes, death. I thought the freezing was annoying after it was all done but it not being frozen is much worse, it's almost like the insides of my teeth are itchy. Other then that and waiting for a package I ordered to arrive I have done nothing. I was supposed to get into a creative writing class but my mom fucked that up. Yep, I'm blaming it all on her, because she said she would check the site constantly and see when the course registration would open and stuff and she never did, the course started October 9th, so she obviously didn't check for a long ass time. The next creative writing course is in May so yeah there goes that plan. I also wanted to make a video for a youtube competition but the deadline is tomorrow and my webcam (being the only thing I have to video tape with) wouldn't work so I guess I loose.

  I have started writing and using photoshop much more lately, my two hobbies I guess. Here is my new desktop wallpaper I made yesterday which I am quite proud of though it was done with help from tutorials.
  Okay well my little brother just came in and asked me to go with him some place and I agreed and finished off this post quickly but now I'm back because my little brother is a tool.
  So as I was saying, I'm proud of the new wallpaper I made and one I made for a friend as well, even though I did make both using tutorials. What I love about tutorials though is that they give me more ideas about more things I can do with photoshop and more knowledge on how things in photoshop work, and that helps me make up my very own cool things. I really love photoshop its a lot of fun. I also started writing more again as I said, right now I'm working on an unnamed horror-ish story that follows an abused nine year old boy named Nathaniel. No he doesn't have special powers or anything, that's a little played out I think. Not that I'm knowledgeable in the whole thing, I just write because I love to write and I personally think I'm good at it, (I think everyone personally thinks they are good writers) but I don't truly know anything about writing other then the basic how to I learnt in school. Learnt? Now that's just weird, Firefox's spell checker says that learned is not a word. Alright just looked that up and found out learned is a word to discribe someone who is very smart (like learn-id) and learnt is the past-tense of learn, weird eh? Guess that just shows that I know less about writing then even I thought haha.
  So maybe one day I'll post some stuff I have written, I'll definitely post more things I make with photoshop because, well, I make a lot of things with photoshop and I know I'm good at that, unlike writing where I only personally think I'm good at it haha. So I'm a little shy with my writing. And hey if anyone for whatever reason reads this, post a comment asking for something cool like a desktop wallpaper of your own and I'd be happy to make it when I have free time...which is in fact all the time!
  Oh! And before I forget! Halloween! I'm still excited for it but the way things are going we might not have any candy to give out and that would be a bummer. We'll figure some shit out I'm sure! I just wanted to throw that in there, it also reminds me that I have to call up my friend to see if he's still coming over for Halloween.

Hurrah For Halloween

2008-10-22T21:10:00.005-06:00

I have really been rather disinterested in my blog lately, nothing to post really. So recently I have gone through a change as I have gotten into punk music. Still same old me in my head, though I went through a period where I was so afraid of becoming a poser I in fact did become one haha. That's over now, I'm me and thats that really. Now I'm really all excited about Halloween, my little brother (that's not so little anymore) and hopefully my friend Kenny will be helpin' me dish out candy. We don't get many trick-or-treaters really but it's always fun to over do the half-assed decorations and pour candy into small children's pillow cases. I have also started making youtube video's though there is really nothing there but a couple totally random crap, I plan to start vlogging in a way, just for fun. I have some really great ideas for videos if I do say so myself, unfortunately all I got is a cheap webcam and no other actors I could use! Oh well, one day I'll make my ultimate kickass videos. What else...oh yeah the youtube account is http://ca.youtube.com/firstmoth if you care! Oh! Well I went drug free now, so no more weed, I didn't do it often anyway, and I only drink on certain occasions. Why? I don't really know, just sounds like the smart thing to do. Okay well I'm sure there is something I'm forgetting to say but I can't remember and I really need to go to the washroom so see ya!
Oh! That's right! I am making another blog for a thing I sort of made up that I feel very strongly about. It's called the No Label Movement, it's at http://www.nolabels.co.cc but at the moment I'm still designing stuff and figuring stuff out so there isn't anything there yet! But there will be soon and I'll keep you guys updated!

Successful

2008-10-12T13:56:00.000-06:00

Well I think I really needed this weekend. It was a lot of fun hanging out with my friends for the first time in a long ass time. It was nice to meet up with Taylor and Evan, I haven't seen either one of those guys in a long time. So yeah we just hung out at Kenny's got high and played 360. Yeah, wasn't the most exciting weekend but it got my mind off shit and it was fun. Now I want to call up my dad to see if I can get the PS2 we used to have, if we still have it, for some reason I really want to play Gran Turismo.
So yeah those three guys smoke so much and as I said I planed to declare myself 100% smoke free on the 11th. So I hung out with those three guys as they smoked all weekend and I didn't have one or anything. So right now I'm pretty proud of myself, I even found that the smoke smelled awful I really didn't want one at all. Yay for me, I have successfully quit smoking!

Slowing Down

2008-10-03T10:03:00.000-06:00

I'm going to stop posting so often from now on, just post more interesting stuff maybe. Yeah my blog is rather dead, like nobody comes here, though it is brand new so whatever I'll just send the link to more people or something. My blog is really just me ranting I guess, it's supposed to be about me slowly conforming to society haha. I guess it doesn't really matter to me, I know some people are checking it out at least and hopefully I actually start doing more exciting things and maybe get a camera or something because people these days aren't all that into large blocks of words and no pictures.
So yesterday I had I believe seven fillings done, one of which was done without any freezing. It wasn't unbearably painful but it still hurt like hell. I also got that prescription mouth wash stuff, it's pretty gross but whatever. The problem is really not all that serious I was overtired and being dramatic when I last described it. I have to take the mouth wash 4 times a day for 15 days and it should be gone, kind of a pain in the ass but it has to be done. I have cut back on the pop drinking and now I drink a lot of water which I suppose is a good thing. I also brush twice a day and I try to floss but that really sucks haha. So now I wait until we make a new appointment (we cancelled the one next Thursday) to get the rest of the fillings done and then yay my teeth are normal. Now I sound sort of gross don't I? I'm that kid with the really gross teeth and halitosis. Well thats not true! My teeth are getting better now and my breath smells fine...

Cancer Scare & The Racist Grandma

2008-10-01T15:02:00.001-06:00

Okay so I know, oh my god he's posting again! But I just came back from the dentist and I knew I was in bad shape with all the pop I drink and the virtually non-existent brushing I do. But it was much worse, I have several cavities, some bad ones some not so bad but lots of both, don't get me wrong though my teeth looked yellow and kind o gross, but they weren't like disgusting they were just yellow... The worst part is my gums; there is this white stuff all over them which I had always assumed was just like plaque or whatever because I so seldom brushed, but it turned out it was actually...well they don;t know yet but they plan to run some tests nest time I go in, which is apparently tomorrow, and then again on Thursday the 9th. What could it be? Well the doctor called it hfsjshfs shfjsdf which is Latin for impossible to remember. She said it was somewhat like a chemical burn and is often caused by heroin (I think she said heroin) usage and that and the fact that the rest of my teeth were awful she assumed that I may be a drug addict. I like to stay away from the dumbasses that use addictive drugs, I mean why would you even start something so ridiculously addictive for some stupid reason like trying to fit in...(begins deleting all his smoking posts in the background). Other reasons for such a thing to happen would be type of fungus in which I just realized that I never went and got the prescription for the mouth wash that is supposed to make the fungus go away (if it is the fungus). Another reason would be (I believe she said) immune deficiency which would be much harder to treat. And the third but much less likely but still an apparent possibility would be...mouth cancer. Yes, Cancer. I quit smoking then I get cancer...okay so I really most likely do not have cancer, but still it kind of freaked me out. There is a chance that this started because of a suicide attempt that I had many months ago that I had never told anyone except for the dentist. Yes I know; I'm so emo. My mouth still tastes like glove. Anyway, my mouth has to go through a lot of work and the insurance obviously won't cover all of it, but the dentists were glad that I wanted to fix my real teeth rather then just let them die and get dentures which according to them a lot of people prefer doing because it's less maintenance or something I don't know. But yeah so I'm just hoping everything is actually okay and that I fix my god damn teeth, no more slacking off with brushing and I'm going to have to cut back on the cola too, which will definitely be a pain in the ass.
Now it was my grandmother that took me out to the dentist and for McDonald's as well. Okay she grew up in a totally different era and well I know she was trying to be as polite as possible about the whole thing but she was so racist. I was trying to keep my responses sounding as sincere and agreeing as possible as to not hurt her feelings or embarrass her or anything as well as trying to give off that I'm-just-a-guy-taking-care-of-his-senile-grandmother vibe. Okay so that sounds a little cruel but I wasn't trying to be or anything, she really is a lot of fun to hang out with and she was really trying hard to take about certain subjects without sounding offencive. But I mean we were in the McDonald's just across the street from Earnest Manning High School during lunch period and the place was packed. My grandmother (we like to call her Nanny) felt it was necessary to point out that the restaurant was filled with mostly African-Canadians and Asians who she referred to as darker people and orientals (to be honest, I can't actually tell which one sounds more polite; mine or hers). Apparently they must have all come here to learn our language and customs and Earnest Manning High must be a coloured only school. (By the way I am attending Earnest Manning next semester if all goes according to plan, and I'm about as white as they come.) She came to that conclusion because there wasn't enough white people who she for some reason tried to be gentle as well and referred to them as Canadian people, which sort of sounded like she was saying all coloured people in Canada don't count as Canadians. Throughout the rest of my time with her she continued to tell me stories about coloured people, maybe to make up for the semi-racistness in the restaurant or just because it was now on her mind, most of the stories were okay and she really had no reason to describe the people in them by the colour and it did make it very embarrassing to be around her. No offence to her again though, I love her and shes awesome and everything, but I mean like how would you react to a situation like that? Haha it's very awkward. Now I just sound like I came off cruel and slightly racist myself...P.S. I am so totally anti-racist just to throw that out there.

The Patriotic, Cola Addicted, Rambling Man

2008-10-01T07:25:00.007-06:00

  Well it's like 7:30 AM and I haven't slept, my plan was to use my napping idea later today and put my schedule back on track but I missed one key aspect; I have a dentist appointment at one. Yes not something I'm proud of but as of late I have not been taking care of my teeth, which is definitely a big problem when drinking as much pop as I do (all the sugar and carbonated water probably). Not much I can do now but see a dentist, keep brushing and hope that they get back to normal, I mean they aren't that bad, just sensitive and quite yellow...and a couple cavities...okay they are kind of gross but still fixable with nothing drastic I'm sure. Though I have become very self-conscious about them, my hand goes to my mouth instinctively whenever I laugh or smile. I know this appointment is going to suck because I'm going to be really tired and it's probably going to hurt with the hook-scraper-thingy (wow, now you can see why I would make such a great novelist) against my sensitive teeth. I really should just go to bed now, I probably will I'm kind of tired, but I really want a coke...
  So I love my country so very much, it's beautiful here, peaceful, not very much violence, our economy isn't failing like some countries I know of. We are the true north, strong and free, and I love it. Something I randomly came across one day, now this made me laugh so hard and I know its cheesy but still. The Rocks and Trees Song. After a couple seconds of googling I found out the song is by a group of musical comedians called 'The Arrogant Worms' (http://www.arrogant-worms.com/). So yeah it's just a great song about my wonderful country.
  I way over do this whole blog thing, I have more posts on this blog then the blog has had days online. I just can't help it, it's fun to do and I just have so much pointless shit to talk about. Not that I really have all that many (or any at all) visitors to this blog anyway. Whatever, nothing better to do and it entertains me, not like I'm forcing you to read my ramblings. Dammit I need to sleep, but I also need to run to the store, I'm really that desperate for Coca-Cola. I also really enjoy editing things in my blog if they aren't perfect or if I think I have a better plan for it and eventually I'm helping someone with their blog as well I hope and oh my god I need to get the hell out of this house wow I have no life...

About My Dad, Halloween, Sleeping and...Communism?

2008-09-30T20:53:00.003-06:00

  Right now I’m feeling rather down, I don’t now why but I’m probably just bored or something. My dad is having a birthday dinner right now and my little brother is over at his house with his girlfriend or something, I was supposed to go but I’m not up to it. I’m sure that makes me sound like a bad kid maybe but hell it’s not my fault I barely know him. Well…it’s a little bit my fault I guess. After my parents split up I barely ever went to see him, I suppose at first it was because my mom never let me or my little brother go or something I’m not sure. But I know that his house was never home, it was always so awkward there and I always just wanted to leave. As I got older and able to make more choices for myself I began to decide not to go there more and more until I only saw him every couple of weeks and on holidays and such. By the time I was about twelve or thirteen he was less of my dad and more of like an uncle or something, like you know you he is, you have seen him many times before, but he still feels like a stranger. So that’s just my defence for not going to his birthday dinner thing.
  On Saturday, October 11th I plan to declare myself 100% smoke free. It’s really just more of a guess, but by then I think that if I don’t smoke and could care less that I haven’t had a smoke then I figure I have successfully quit. Then its time to decide what to do with my new found lung power haha. I really should get active, I’m kind of pathetic in that respect, well in many respects…
  Wow, tomorrow is the first of October! I’m somewhat excited for Halloween, last year my and my buddy set up some pretty cool decorations and gave out candy while we played Battlefield 1942 with creepy music in the background. Kids loved it and it was a lot of fun, though we didn’t get a whole lot of trick-or-treaters. We agreed last year that this year we would have an even better set up with real decorations and stuff, but this year I doubt he’ll want to, it’s most very small kids and like last year I’m sure there will be a small rush at like eight then it will be dead for the rest of the night. I know I’ll still be doing it though, I have this whole complex about my childhood and how lame it was and how much I miss it and how much I wish I could go back and actually enjoy it more… Right well then, so Halloween is a very depressing time for me now that I can’t go out and enjoy it like I did as a child, so to prevent myself from getting really low I have to be a part of it somehow. And that’s why we decided to make such a big set up for such a small amount of kids. But seeing the kids walk up slowly to the dummy, afraid that it might jump at them, and getting compliments on how cool the decorations were made the work we put in more then worth it. Since grade seven I have really wanted to make a haunted house sort of thing, because grade seven was the year everyone though trick-or-treating became lame or whatever. I still went in grade seven, and in grade eight I think, and just did nothing for a couple years. My plan was to turn my backyard into this cool semi-creepy place, not to scary because of the smaller kids or whatever and then they could exit out the back gate or something I never had a real design for it. I still want to because it would totally kickass but chances are we’d get like three people to go through it, so definitely not worth the effort…or the money.
  I couldn’t sleep last night, I ended up staying up until three or four in the morning and I slept for about twelve hours. I would have been long if my mother hadn’t come in to wake me up for my dad’s birthday dinner thing. Now my sleeping schedule is back all screwed up again, let’s see if I can fix it with my all amazing napping strategy tomorrow. I kind of like it though, up during the night is nice, it was nicer when I smoked because then I could go out for a walk around the block in the cool and quiet. That’s just one of those thoughts I have that I mentioned the other day haha. It just doesn’t seem worth going for a short walk at night when I’m not smoking, plus I know if I did I would really feel like a cigarette the whole time. Who knows these thoughts are probably just my addiction trying to stop me haha. Whatever, as I was saying being up at night is nice because it’s quiet and peaceful, I don’t have to listen to people running around upstairs or people asking me to do things, I can do whatever I feel like doing. Though I miss out on a lot of good things during the day for instance…everything normal people do. Plus if I want any chance of getting my life back on track I have to be up during the day.

  Communist? Yeah about that sign over there; well I consider myself to be a Communist though a couple people have gone and pointed out that I’m more of an Idealist, which I suppose is true. I guess I just favour the Communist economy even though it often fails. I don’t really know though, I haven’t done a whole lot of research on the subject I just like the idea of Communism, just as many people don’t know a whole lot about democracy because they don’t do a whole lot of research on it, but they like the idea behind it. I think that comparison works…hell if I care haha.

On Smoking and Naps

2008-09-28T23:42:00.000-06:00

  Well I just got back from my friends house, well not just, I have been home for like an hour. I did end up taking a couple drags and then killing a cigarette but I feel great, I feel I did good. Why? Because I don't want one, that smoke made me feel no different and I have come to realize that I am completely unaddicted to cigarettes. (Is unaddicted a word?) The only that kept making me want to go back was the horribly annoying thoughts, which I suppose have something to do with the addiction so I can't say I'm totally unaddicted. These thoughts are so stupid; I tell myself that I can't quit because I look good when I smoke, or I can't stop because I'm an aspiring writer and all great writers smoke, or just simply I don't actually want to quit at all so why am I? Haha it's sad because the last couple times that I had a good chance of quiting I fell for those thoughts and started again.
  Now for that part about napping. Wow, so it is late and I am tired which is great because that means my schedule is on track now. Well for now anyways. I wouldn't have been able to make it all the way until seven to go hang out if it wasn't for taking a nap at two. I have come to realize something that my friends obviously already knew for years seeing as many of them still do take naps after school etc. Naps are very important to teenagers. Hell if I had actually started taking naps at the beginning of highschool then I might not have fucked myself over so hard and I'd still be in school. Though I like to think that bad things happen for a reason, like me starting to smoke, it led to a lot of hellish times for me and I can't help but think if I never started things would be so much better. But who knows, if I didn't smoke I probably wouldn't have become great friends with my buddy Kenny (the guy I was just hanging out with) and he has become a really awesome friend. Plus smoking defined a few years of my life which has left me here, and thus defining what I will have to do in the next few years and guide me to what I will be in the future...I guess. Plus I think if I didn't have a time when I could go out for a smoke to take my mind of things or when I was angry or sad to just leave and smoke for a minute that maybe I would have done something awful instead when those moments arose. But all in all smoking caused a hell of a lot more pain then good, if I really think about it I'm sure I could link all the times I felt so stressed or depressed that I needed a smoke back to the fact that I just needed a smoke.
  Right well, back to napping; I have decided to start taking them more often, whenever I'm tired and not busy why the hell not right? It's a nice relaxing time that can keep my sleeping schedule right side up as long as I'm smart about the times I take them. So yay for napping and for quiting smoking and goodnight peoples!

Finally!

2008-09-28T12:56:00.000-06:00

  Finally I am going over to my buddy's house! I'm not going to smoke, there is just no chance of me smoking, I really hope I don't smoke when I get there, I'm really scared I might smoke, okay I'm totally having a smoke as soon as I get there...
  Okay well I'm really not sure, of course I feel weak I guess because he will be smoking, I really probably just shouldn't go there. I'm going there anyway, chances are I'm going to fuck up, I feel pathetic haha. Well I'll just say no thanks I quit and then constantly drink my coke, (coke helps me oh so very much, if I didn't have coke I would be banging my head on the wall screaming for someone to give me a cigarette right now) I'm sure that will work, well as long as I have coke that is. Well I got a couple bucks on me I'll run by Safeway and buy a 2L, yeah I go through like four litres of coke a day it's awful, I'm starting to think I have a better chance of dieing from an overdose of a soft drink rather then cigarettes. I think most people who know me would see that coming to, haha I'll walk home one day and everyone will be sitting in the living room holding an intervention for me. "Hayden your addiction to carbonated beverages is out of control! Your taring this family apart! Don't think I don't know that you sneak out at midnight sometimes even later to go buy more!"
  Oh hey now I actually do need to go buy more, I really don't feel like walking right now though so thats really annoying. God I woke up at 2 or 3 am I can't remember now, but damn I'm tired as hell at the moment and I have only been up for like 11 hours. I have too meet up with my buddy at seven, so I'll be totally wiped by then. Oh well I usually only hang out with him for like 2 or 3 hours it should be fine, then I'll just come home and head to bed. Bonus; I'll have my sleeping schedule back on track again haha it flips from days to nights so often no wonder I find school and working so hard...

Oooo Pretty

2008-09-28T11:19:00.000-06:00

Alright so! Like what I have done with the place? Haha yeah I finally finished designing my blog, it took a lot of trial and error, (and a couple tutorials), but it’s done and I love it. I’m sure I’ll change this and that constantly because that’s just what I do. But the main…part…is done now so just maybe a tweak here and new logo there etc. I love it the way it is at the moment though, and now I got to go take out the trash, do some laundry and take a shower, so ciao!

I Quit

2008-09-27T09:38:00.000-06:00

Okay fuck it I'm just going to say it, before I said I should or maybe or whatever the hell I said, but now I'm actually doing it. No more smokes, theres no point, I want one, but not that badly really and so now is the time to truly say no more. To restart now would be totally stupid, it would cause me much more pain then relief, so I'm done. And now of course I want a cigarette...

Lame Couple Weeks

2008-09-26T22:09:00.000-06:00

So I have this friend, not the most reliable person. I don't really know if it's just me or if he does this to all his friends but I can almost never hang out with him. He's either sick or too tired, no offence to him but it is rather obvious that 99% of the time he just doesn't want to hang out. He could just tell me that instead be easier.

So yeah I have been trying to hang out with him for the past two weeks pretty much, after a long time without seeing each other. I can't blame him for not wanting to hang out with me because I used to always go over to his place to get cigarettes and maybe he feels a bit like I used him I don't know. So I did have a plan, I didn't go see him for several weeks specifically because I didn't have any cigarettes, my plan was to not hang out with him unless I had some that way maybe he wouldn't feel that that is the only reason I was hanging out with him. Since I haven't had a smoke in like four weeks and it looked like I wasn't going to get one anytime soon I decided to call to hang out just to prevent it from looking like I was ignoring him I guess I don't really know I'm a weird guy.

It sucks not having smokes but I really don't want one at this point, it's not worth turning back now anyway. I don't know if that is even the reason he won't hang out, maybe he really just doesn't like me hell if I know. I am rather obnoxious, boring, depressing, well I guess I could go on and on there but lets not.

Now these past couple days specifically have totally sucked, it all has to do with someone I used to be with. It was a complicated relationship and seeing that person again brought back those complications for a little while. It would be easier for me if I just knew how this person felt about the whole thing but unfortunately it's not a very easy thing to find out.

Routine Habits

2008-09-24T19:04:00.000-06:00

Well I guess I should start off by saying welcome to my blog. I am a seventeen year old wannabe writer with a stressful yet non-existent life and a plan. I have yet to pass the tenth grade, I have no job and no future and I'm rather fucked up in the head. But now I'm going to change all that, too many things in my life that were causing me pain and stress, its time for me to get rid of those things. First, obviously I need to finish school, at the moment I'm not even registered at a school. As I said, I have a plan, I am going to start school at Earnest Manning High School, where many of my friends are, unfortunately they will be graduating as I just finish off grade ten but that's really my fault anyway. Between now and the beginning of the next semester I will be taking courses and hopefully working to get an actual schedule to follow so I'm not just getting up whenever I feel like it for school, which is how I screwed myself over the first time. I had planned to volunteer for the Big Brother Program, I wish when I was a child that I was a part of the program it probably would have helped me a lot, unfortunately I can not be a Big Brother because I have to be eighteen, but hey one year will pass quickly and I do still plan on becoming one, it sounds like a lot of fun and a great experience both for the kid and for myself!I suppose the last part of my plan will be something I don't want to do but I sure as hell should do it; quit smoking. Now normally this would be out of the question for me haha but I haven't actually had a cigarette in a couple weeks and probably won't get one for another couple weeks. Hell I don't even like smoking, if not having one didn't cause me so much stress then I would have quit ages ago.